by Al Drinkle
Attention! Servers everywhere! We implore you to identify and take care of the thirsty people in the room! Mind the drinkers! We urge you to dutifully note when there's too much air in glasses, and to enable the dirtying of fresh ones. When you're lucky enough to have immensely thirsty guests in your establishment, this is the most important function that you can serve.
A guest with an appetency for drinks begins their time in a restaurant or bar as an enthusiastic visitor. They take a liking to you immediately, even if it's a relatively shallow attraction based on your role as the facilitator of their first drink. Most of you are efficient at expediting that first drink—in fact, the offer of a beverage is commonly part of your greeting. However, a common mistake is to assume that the first drink will sustain a guest for any specific duration of time. Instead, the first drink served should merely be seen as a tool for you to gauge the thirst of your guests, and to adjust your attentiveness accordingly.
If a thirsty person begins their visit to your establishment as an earnest guest, their enthusiasm will rapidly devolve into frustration—and eventually anger—with every moment that they must endure an empty glass. The surest way to upset a thirsty guest is to obstruct their natural cadence of drinking by neglecting their simple needs. Keep an eye on them, and be proactive in the role that you play in the eradication of their thirst. They won't begrudge the preemptive offering of a refreshed glass or another round, and in fact, a nominal amount of extra heedfulness will often ensure that such guests are otherwise the cheeriest and lowest-maintenance in the room*.
It goes without saying that keen attentiveness to thirsty guests isn't just to their benefit. Undoubtedly you're aware that the establishment that employs you is a financially-precarious business to operate. The markups on beverages are integral to its survival and success, and the more drinks that you responsibly sell, the better it is for the operation. Furthermore, a parched guest who knows that their thirst can be effectively slaked within your doors is far more likely to return.
Even if you're the most altruistic server in town, one who derives immeasurable satisfaction from engendering positive guest experiences and aiding in the financial benefit of your employers, there's still further incentive to closely mind the drinkers. This, of course, is that in doing so, you'll be rewarded with better tips. There are guests who tip a flat percentage regardless of the quality of service (perhaps with the exception of a particularly dreadful experience), and others who become increasingly generous in proportion to how well they feel they've been taken care of. Regardless of which camp your voraciously thirsty guest belongs to, keeping their glass topped up will earn you more money.
There are some people to whom the glass is half full, and others to whom it is half empty. A third faction is hoping that their server will come by soon, knowing that their glass is one imminent gulp away from desolation. Mindfulness towards the drinkers is an easy way to provide an hospitable experience while simultaneously benefiting yourself and the establishment that employs you.
*It should be noted that there are those who become increasingly disagreeable as they drink. Naturally these people complicate the arguments herein, just as they complicate everything else when they choose to ignore their innate dissonance with alcohol. Such people should not drink intoxicating liquors, and in a perfect world, they wouldn't enter your establishment with the intention of doing so.
